we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
