so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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