I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
