id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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