All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
