so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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