If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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