I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
