What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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