for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
