i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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