Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
