I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
