so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I am one with the molecules
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
how drunk are you?
Several
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
