Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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