I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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