I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize