If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
