I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
