You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm like, not good at living.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
