"it" just moved
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
