Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
