Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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