i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize