You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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