So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
