I cut my penus on the lid.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
