I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
