I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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