Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize