its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
