I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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