what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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