i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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