can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
