I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
