Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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