how can u be prego again
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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