I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
