then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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