Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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