Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
