Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
