the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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