We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
im about as happy as oj after his trial
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm bleeding and have questions
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
