I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i now understand why vodka
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
