remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
