you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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