Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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