I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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