I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
