I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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