Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
