fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
