This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
