the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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