I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I love having hate sex.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
