I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
