her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
