I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize