When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
