before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
