when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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