i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
