And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Randomize
