I murdered the dance floor call the cops
oh god the rape fog is back!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
