You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I did not marry a roomba.
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