yo everyone went to the hospital last night
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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