Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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