I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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