ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
