Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
