Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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