Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
