Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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